Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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