He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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