i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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