He had one of those small greek statue penises
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
