i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he fucked my hip out of place.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
