Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize