11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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