??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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