The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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