i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He shit in the fireplace
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
