maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
