i'm signing you up for texting rehab
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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