I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
