Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
