I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize