Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
