Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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