can u get pink eye on your cock?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize