I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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