You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize