Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
