Where did you get a picture of my penis
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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