Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
