I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
