you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
