Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
