His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
