Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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