Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
