why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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