It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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