i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
