It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
