Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
