i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
