You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
