if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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