Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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