that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
