I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
