And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
