??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
