Are we in a gay sports bar?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
