Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
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