Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
