First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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