If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
