Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
