i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize