Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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