dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
