Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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