He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
