I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
try to milk me bitch
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