You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize