ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
