OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
