I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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