it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
