i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You can't just leave with hair like that
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
