hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
