someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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