1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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