$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Is Oprah even human
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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