I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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