so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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