Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
